Internship.. Life's great! First day of work in UOB KayHian today.. Overwhelmed.. I might actually consider pursuing my career in equity research.. Everything seems so interesting eventho it's boring and tedious.. Coming 3 months will be fruitful.. Felt like I've learned so much just in my first day.. Looking forward to work.. Meanwhile I just need to adjust to long hours.. No pain no gain..
A wise person once told me,"Love is not everything, your future is.." The same person told me this today,"27 years old is going to be your prime.." Exactly what I needed to hear..
In the absence of light, where darkness prevails.. The sky is dark.. The day is gloomy.. I'm heavily broken, severely damaged.. By far the biggest damage that I've dealt to myself.. So much pain, so much.. I had to do it.. It's over.. I need to heal and 4 days is all I have to spare..
Scratch that.. 1 day to recover from the after shock..
Post exam syndrome.. I'm so tired, so exhausted from exams and stuff.. Yet I'm awake at such hour, writing.. Hoping to get all these thoughts out of my mind.. I hate how I cant control my thoughts.. I hate how this is affecting my sleeping pattern.. Frankly I cannot be sure if I can sleep at night.. Every night is a different story.. Think I'm just one of those people who needs sleeping pills..
I still cant believe exam is actually over.. I look forward to what's after exam so much.. Expected too much that it feels kinda empty.. This nothingness is not what I've expected.. You know like these images you have in your mind bout how you'd like something to happen..Never really happens the way you pictured it? Seriously, I'm not rubbing it in.. Guess I'm just expecting something that's probably not happening.. It's time to realign expectations to reality..
That aside, I think I'm working after all! Kinda excited since it's nothing like what most of my friends are doing.. Then again it might just be what I pictured it to be, which is not real.. Guess I better get sleeping pills.. Starting monday, hopefully, my days begins at 5.30am and ends at 10.30pm.. That's interesting.. Lol?
Now that exam is over.. It is time.. Life is bitter but people hang around hoping and waiting for that slight sweetness that comes after.. I know I am.. I have been..
I should really get back to sleep.. I should.. I keep telling myself that.. Wished I could just switch off my mind.. Seriously, it's like a separate distinct entity independent from the rest my body parts.. It's like I cant control it.. This lack of sleep is making me emo! Maybe juli was right, I memang damn emo lol! Ja!
October 30 FIRST BLOOD!!Your hero has pawned Treasury Management's head.. One down, 3 more to go.. For the record, I dont believe in luck.. I believe in probabilities! LAWL!!
October 31 Farming day.. On the bright side, Boston Celtics pawned Chicago Bulls.. Back to back threes, deepo cuto! Dallas Mavericks pawned LA Lakers! Lakers lost at home! That's huge man.. This will probably mark the first of the many more losses that Lakers gonna have nate.. Mark my words.. LAWL!!
Say and it will be done..
November 1 Yet another boring farming day.. But I'm definitely going for the kill tomorrow.. Someone's going down real hard.. Meanwhile, it's been raining everyday lately.. Yes I'm complaining cuz I'm not out there playing.. Just trapped within these 4 walls reading my notes.. Grrr.. Oh well, at least there's something to be happy about today.. My garlic butter white button mushroom baked with cheese? Officially a success! Hohoho! Yes, Ms Ho! You heard me.. LAWL!!
November 2 DOUBLE KILL!! Your hero has pawned Macroeconomic's head.. Didnt have enough time to write properly.. Hopefully my HD is still possible.. 2 up and 2 down! It's a memorable day.. "when I close my eyes and drift away, I think of you and everything's okay.." I'm ready to hear it.. On the other hand, my Aino baby is here!! I want..
Sometimes horrible feelings are meant to be kept inside.. Just swallow it and no one gets hurt..
November 3 Pawned by interview.. Couldnt sleep the night before.. What perfect timing? Resulting in stoning answers.. Worst of all, when I thought back.. I actually know the answer.. Back to farming I guess..
November 4 Happy 21st Birthday Ms Ho Mei Vern! Present hutang dulu ya? Meanwhile, you can look at this and be happy for awhile.. Or angry.. Lol.. There, your motivation to get 4 H1.. Enjoy your day! While I continue farming.. One sacred relic coming up!
Getting really worried now.. Everyone's working this summer.. What if I cant get the job? This is depressing.. Sigh..
November 5 Waking up in the morning knowing that you'll go through the same routine life sucks.. How can one sustain his/her interest in studying throughout the whole exam period.. Frustrating.. I need to buckle up and gain momentum.. It's tough.. Level 12 and no relic.. On top of that, teammates are giving me a hell of a time.. "People are mean, and life's a bitch.."
Back to farming.. And hell yea I'm denying today.. Dont even think bout getting a single creep today! The bomb has been triggered.. Game on!
November 6 "Why so serious?" I've had enough.. When nothing is going the right way, I guess it's my cue to pray.. A long chat with my Father.. "When darkness seems to veil His face, I rest on His unchanging grace. In every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil. His oath His covenant and blood,support me in the ‘whelming flood. When all around my soul gives way,He then is all my hope and stay. When the last trumpets voice shall sound,O then I may in Him be found, Clothed in His righteousness alone,faultless to stand before His throne.."
The farming continues.. I guess summer is not the only season.. Sometimes we stress and insist on something or someone so much that we miss out on other great stuff that could be better.. "Let's put a smile on that face.."
November 7 Woke up from nightmare to a beautiful sunny day.. Just when I thought things would get better today.. Boston Celtics w5 streak was ended by Phoenix Suns.. AT BOSTON! Damn it!! All thanks so missing 3s by Pierce and Wallace.. Cant believe they gave away 33 points to Mr Scoreless-in-his-last-game..
That aside, audit is killing me.. Literally.. Feels like my head is being banged at the wall.. Constant headaches looking at words that dont mean anything to me.. And that my friend, is my cue for not being an auditor when I graduate.. Hell no! Progress is damn slow.. It feels like an idiot to be walking around with the relic with no money to buy the freaking scroll! AT NIGHT!! With Balanar in the opposing team! Feels like my day is wasted.. Wait, scratch that.. My life is wasted!! Why on earth do people study?! Cant we just get a microchip filled with knowledge injected in our brains? DAMN! The more I look at the text, it feels like I'm using Mangekyo.. Feels like my eyes are gonna bleed and I'm gonna get blind soon..
Dramatic? I know.. Sigh! Definitely counting down.. Just one more week.. November 8 Every good day begins with great music.. And today my choice would be.. The Time Has Come - Hillsong United.. "..today's the day, it's all or nothing.." Sorry Father, promise I'll be in church after exam.. Farming resumes..
Sometimes it's about how much you wanna make the other person happy.. Would you make me happy if you had the chance to?
November 9 Baby, I wanna turn you on.. And play with you till you're knocked out.. Touch you all over.. Slide you up and down.. Use you whenever I want, wherever I want.. I wanna take you home and put you on my bed.. Hold you to sleep.. Cuz having you waking up next to me makes me happy.. Oh Aino baby.. Only you would wanna make me happy without me asking for it.. Promise I'll take you home soon! Seems like this uncertainty I'm feeling is growing stronger by the minutes each day.. Where no amount of substantive testing would do any good.. So many combination of possibilities.. I hate..
Farming resumes.. 2 more days to Audit.. Will I conquer or will I fall?
November 10 Time to wrap up for war tomorrow..
You're the reason why I look forward towards the end of exam so much.. Do you know that?
November 11 KILLING SPREE!! Your hero has pawned Auditing and Assurance's head.. Not too shabby.. Nothing stands in the way of my mangekyo.. Totally amaterasued the paper and susanoo my way out of exam hall.. Now I can only pray for the best.. And that's 3 down with just 1 more to go..
Farming continues..
Been studying quite hard, sometimes I wonder why I'm trying so hard.. What am I trying to prove? That I'm capable of good results as well? Frankly, I dont know if I could.. Johnly, maybe I'll just make a fool of myself.. And peterly, this might be my limit.. Sigh.. Why didnt I start early? I'd blame the inconducive study environment! Sometimes you know you deserve better.. But better is just never meant for you..
November 12 You've got to be kidding me!! What the hell is so good about 14 February 2010?! Why is everything cramped on that one day! First day of CNY, Valentine's and now NBA All-Star@Dallas?!
Ok that was random.. Let's continue farming.. Game ends in 5 more days..
Sigh.. Stoned all day.. I'll live to fight another day.. At the end of this all, what's it gonna be?
November 13 "..just a day, just an ordinary day.. just trying to get by.. just a boy, just an ordinary boy but he was looking to the sky.." 4 days left and I'm on a mission to do some magic.. Last one, cannot afford to loosen up on the D.. Farming resumes..
Even the most brilliant plan fails with the slightest miscalculation.. I'm not a schemer.. I'm an agent of chaos.. That's what I should be.. The joke's on me, seriously.. By the way, do you wanna know how I got these scars?
November 14 Happy birthday you.. Yes you, the girl I love..
November 15 Farming resumes.. Running short of time.. Who said open book exams are easier? So much pressure to prepare beforehand..
Been staring at the PC whole day already.. This is more tiring than using mangekyo and my eyes are seriously bleeding.. Okay maybe not.. These stuff I'm preparing better be useful otherwise I'm gonna amaterasu someone! November 16 WHERE IS MY SUNLIGHT?!! I enjoy rainy days, dont get me wrong.. But the whole week? You've got to be kidding me!! Superman needs to recharge wei! Cant fly anymore!!
I officially declare my hate for law papers.. No more.. Spare me please..
November 17 DOMINATING!! Your hero has pawned Malaysian Company Law's head!! Exam breathe its last and swore not to return again.. Until June that is.. Hibernate I shall.. Sigh UOB doesnt want me after all..
He who finds himself a worthy opponent.. Have I become weaker, or have I become too good for you? How long did you think this undue influence of yours would have a hold on him? The sun will rise again tomorrow, yea but what if destiny had predetermined that you wont live to see another day.. Why are you withholding? Have you considered the elasticity of your grip? What if he doesnt want to hear you anymore, what you say dont matter anymore? What if this feeling soak right down in his bones at this very second? And there's nothing that you could do to amend that change anymore?
If there's too much pressure, will you lose the ball? What if the point guard with fine steal averages was just behind you, and you didnt know all along? What's your score average? Can you be sure that whenever the ball leaves your hand, it's gonna go through the hoop? What if Dwight Howard was marking you? At the end of it all, will this be just another dream? A dream that will never be realised.. And then just written off like any other obsolete assets..
I may have bought the ticket, but I can always choose not to board the plane.. It's the price that I can live with, to know what you're made of..
It's been a really long while since I've played basketball.. And today, my plays seems perfectly fine.. Not at top form but I still have it, I reckon.. To make things better, it rained.. And for awhile it feels great to shoot some hoops in the rain.. Which is all that I wanna do right now.. Memories of good games and good companies then.. My worthy opponent, you'll always be..
Friday, I'll draw first blood.. Why is this tired-of-all-these-shits-feeling keeps lingering around me? Hating the weather, the fact that my AC is spoilt and I have to sleep in the guest room, the toothache and most of all, missing all the good food session.. Gaman gaman, approximately 9 months left.. So will it be first blood or that your hero has fallen?
Melted.. Being musically inclined is definitely a plus point.. It's been a very long while since I felt like this.. Like my heart melted just a little.. Warm and it feels like home.. Just the thought about someone you like singing to you..
Enjoy..
For a moment I've forgotten that exam is in 9 days.. Oh shit! Gotta get back to work now! Ja..
At sixes and sevens.. There comes a time when every life goes off course.. In this desperate moment who will you be? Will you let down your defenses, and find solace in someone unexpected? Will you reach out? Will you face your greatest fear bravely? And move forward with faith.. Or will you succumb to the darkness in your soul?
Say and it will be done..
There, your motivation to get 4 H1..
Promise I'll take you home soon!